Slammin' Sammy Sosa, the former Cubs slugger who will always be known as the guy that Big Mac beat in the summer of '98, is apparently saddened that fans have begun "flipping" their old Sosa 21 jerseys to now read "Colvin".
Okay, maybe that's not the exact thing that took him over the edge, but either way he's a little miffed that the team that he once took to the playoffs (twice) hasn't contacted him about retiring his once popular number 21.
"My numbers don't lie," Sosa said in an interview for Chicago Magazine, failing to mention that the person responsible for the numbers does in fact lie. Oh wait, I forgot. A post-swing hop and Flintstones vitamins is all one needs to hit 66 home runs in a season.
He want on to add that, "Everything that I did was so big (no shit, Sam) -- my career was so good -- that even if people want to scratch it from the board, it's not going to happen. Those numbers are going to stay there forever."
Well that as they may, those numbers will still never get you a spot atop the flagpoles at Wrigley, nor will you ever take home a bronze bust of your gigantic head from Cooperstown. All because of speculation. Well, speculation with good supporting evidence.
And even if those numbers do live on forever Sammy, your reputation with the Cubs organization will be that you were a selfish, stat-hogging player who would only hustle when you ran out to take your position on defense (which by the way, doesn't count).
Your 66 home runs in '98 only provided the team (yes, you were on a team) with a wild-card playoff birth and a first-round exit.
Your 545 career home runs while in Chicago only accumulated into six playoff wins (over 13 seasons) and only one playoff series win.
Your seven All-Star appearances, six Silver Slugger Awards, and of course your 1998 NL MVP award only equated into a 982-1,058 record.
But no, you're right Sammy, the Cubs should put you next to guys like Ernie Banks, Greg Maddux, Billy Williams, Ryne Sandburg, Ferguson Jenkins, and Ron Santo because you played with the passion and integrity that each of those showed.
So listen up bud, you're not getting your own flag and Tyler Colvin will continue to make people forget whose name used to be on the back of the Cubbie blue 21 jersey. But at least you found a friend to share your mental retardation that effects your ability to successfully sneeze (*cough* *cough* Matt Latos).
And at least you finally revealed to us the true reason why you all of a sudden turned a whiter shade of pale, "(The Cubs) threw me into the fire." Sure they did. Only after all the flames had burned out and it was reduced to nothing but ash.
Kind of like your current relevance in the sports world.